After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
