will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
