I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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