Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize