when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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