Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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