I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
