He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
