apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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