My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
