Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
