Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
