I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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