I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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