I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
