and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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