I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
