There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
