Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize