im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize