You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
