I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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