Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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