If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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