Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
