I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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