Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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