You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
