Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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