My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
