So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
