I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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