Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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