I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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