i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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