My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
