Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
