worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
