boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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