I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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