Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
false alarm, still single
Randomize
