so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
