haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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