her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
