I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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