I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
