So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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