im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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