I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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