perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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