My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
