My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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