so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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