Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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