Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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