Will you blow on my dice?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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