His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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