I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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