maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
