Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
