Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
